A Yogic Map of Motherhood:
A journey within myself
By Kelly Wantuch
The past year of my yoga journey has been one of transformation. A journey of clarity that has unfolded before my eyes, my heart and my soul. Yoga has become my anchor in life. My breath, meditation, self-study and asana practice are what bring me back. Back to my core. Back to my true potential. Back to my divinity.
I’ve embarked on another journey as well–motherhood. One of peaks, valleys, rivers and deserts. Time warped, energy exhausted, emotion zapped, love discovered. Yes, love for my beautiful and healthy daughter but even more so for myself. I’ve heard that pain is a portal to the divine. And I have come to really believe this. More than believe it, I have come to trust and surrender to such an idea. When times feel so incredibly difficult and I feel backed up into an inescapable corner all I can really do is surrender. Iask myself of nothing else except to exist, to be alive. To be alive is to be divine. Or as the yoga world knows as ishvara pranidhana.
When naps go haywire, sleep is interrupted an innumerable amount of times, a meal prepared with such love and warmth is thrown on the floor, and your once cuddly, affectionate baby has learned the word “NO” you can’t help but ask yourself “what the hell am I doing?!”. Yoga has taught me these are the times to stop, to breath, and to ask myself what do I need? What do I need to feel alive, to recognize my strength, to discover santosha in this reality, to return to myself? With only so much time and energy, I have learned to ask what really matters.
With practice, a lot of it at that, I have come to learn how to be patient with myself, to speak kind words to myself, to look at myself in the mirror with loving eyes, to rest and trust that I am enough and to let go and let the play of life unfold. Even when I am doubtful, I am shown that I can truly trust the guidance life has to offer me.
The journey of motherhood paired with my yoga practice has been one of union and harmony. I have been pushed to limits I could never foresee, yet yoga has been the greatest map to bring me back to myself and to guide me on my path ahead.
Note to self:
Patience.
Surrender.
Trust.
Love.
Practice.
Om.
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Originally written Nov 2022. Published July 2023!